The set-up for a bad joke? Nope (well, maybe that, too)—just a typical day at the office for adventuring partners Heloise, Erithea’s most beautiful, witty, talented, and occasionally prone to talking in the third-person half-elven bard, and her powerful hill giant companion, Grimple, who doesn’t look like a hill giant anymore because he made the mistake of crossing a lich and getting illusioned (yes, it’s a word…or, at least, we’re going to pretend it’s one) into something even more ridiculous. (Grimple is kind of an idiot.)
It turns out that getting adventuring work when your hill giant companion looks like a sickly gnome (despite retaining his giant strength) isn’t easy, so what’s a beautiful, witty, and talented half-elven bard to do? The answer, of course, is obvious: set off on a quest, idiotic hill giant partner in tow, to confront the lich who transformed him in the first place, and look really good doing it. Along the way, chances are good that adventures will be had, wrongs will be righted, songs will be sung, monsters will be smited, treasure will be won, and, perhaps, love will be made to burly dwarves (or, more accurately, dwarf, singular—I’m not really a party girl).
Part parody, part homage, and all woman, The Chronicle of Heloise & Grimple lampoons the greatest fantasy adventures of yore even as it upholds the very best traditions of the genre (and, I might add, looks really good doing it).
But, don’t take my word for it—here’s what people across Erithea are saying about The Chronicle of Heloise & Grimple:
“The Chronicle of Heloise & Grimple is one of the greatest sagas ever set to music by one of the, um, wait—what did you want me to say here? I can’t read your handwriting. ‘One of the most talented, beautiful and sweet’—does that say ‘sweet-canned’? Seriously? Because I’m not saying that. Wait—why don’t I get title credit, too? If it weren’t for me, you and Grimple would never have…hey! Hey! Ow! Put your dagger away, Heloise! Fine—I’ll say it! It’s great. Geez. Just read it, all right?”
--Kevil, Wizard
“Heloise is all right for an ugly elf. And she’s very good at stabbing things.”
--Tongclutcher Kilnfire, Dwarf, Master Weaponsmith of Dormenklehs
“Urk kunk grummh nuk kur grubble knuck.”
--High Chieftain Gnurk Blurglesplick of the Grandorian Orc Tribe (okay, so not all of these testimonials are complimentary, but, hey—I can’t be held accountable for what spurned lovers say about me or my work)
“That Heloise is a genius, and she has one heck of a sweet can. And, boy, can she sing.”
--Heloise the Bard
(All proceeds from the first 150 copies sold of The Chronicle of Heloise & Grimple will be donated to ProLiteracy (www.proliteracy.org), an organization that promotes adult literacy through content development, programs, and advocacy.) @goodreads
MY REVIEW:
4 STARS
What a funny little tale. I loved all three of the main characters, Heloise, Grimple and Kevil.
Heloise & Grimple are trying to find someone to take the spell off of him that he got while being stupid, basically. He's a hill giant, but not quite any more.
They did find the wizard, Kevil, but the only thing he did was give Grimple his voice back and it was not Grimple's normal voice. It was an annoyingly funny voice.
The group get into some really funny adventures a long the way. They keep you laughing at their antics and it's quite charming <-- in it's own way.
All things to work out, for the most part, I mean how could we carry on without that annoyingly, funny voice I spoke about =)
Let me leave with a couple of excerpts. And I hope to read more adventures of these funny little characters.
I pushed the door open and stopped instantly. While I didn't find it surprising that Kevil sat at the room's small desk, apparently studying his spellbooks, I did find it at least slightly unusual that he was wearing hip-high red vinyl boots with a five-inch heel, and that his legs were (rather uncomfortably, from the looks of it) crossed. Did I mention that he was also wearing a lime-green skirt? Because he was wearing a lime-green skirt.
"Well?" said Kevil defensively. "Get it out and have your fun."
I arched an eyebrow before motioning to a soiled shirt lying on the floor. "Don't be self-conscious--Grimple's a slob, too."
Kevil gave me a quizzical look and started to speak, but I raised a hand to cut him off. "I once knew an elf who like to eat supper wearing nothing but a codpiece. On his upper arm. He said it aided digestion." I shrugged. "What-ever makes you happy makes you happy, my not-so-evil friend. As long as it doesn't involve turning me into something that looks like Grimple, or any kind of amphibian, I'm fine with it."
••••••
Grimple burst into laughter. "A ghost? Do you mean to suggest that a ghost defeated a party of a dozen dwarves? Poppycock."
Tongs looked at Grimple's hands as if for the first time. "What in the flaming flarknark are ye supposed to be?" (A flarknark, incidentally, is a piece of equipment dwarves use when working on a forge. I have no idea what it's for, but I do like how it sounds." "Looks like someone stapled two big giant hands onto the bastard of an ugly orc and a deformed pixie."
•••••••
"It's alright, sweet Helly," interjected Rappy, "ye ask me, gives the smelly bastard a bit o' class." He looked at Grimple. "Ye smell like Clammerbang's arse after a day at the forge, ye know."
I look forward to more adventures from this ragtag crew!
GOODREADS REVIEW:
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1771476026
AMAZON LINK TO THE BOOK:
https://www.amazon.com/Chronicle-Heloise-Grimple-Adventure-Collected-ebook/dp/B01M0ADP12/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1475408238&sr=8-1&keywords=the+chronicle+of+heloise+and+grimple
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